Prayers from Fiji is finally a reality
Greetings to any of you still following this site! The past nine months have been tremendous not only for Brian and his recovery, but for our family as well. If our number of journals initially reflected anything it was of the need we had for prayers and support from the many of you following this story. So it only makes sense that as our life has returned to such a level of normalcy that we don't write much. In fact, this may be one of our very last Caring Bridge updates, but I will get to more information about that later.
Brian and Ben returned to school this week. It was staggeringly unremarkable. In fact, it was so normal, so typical, I can't say much more about it. They started school. How different my blog post from two years ago was, when every step Brian took was packed with emotion and meaning to us, and how we watched in trepidation and concern as Ben began a new adventure in middle school (a tough period of the school experience pretty much universally). Both of them have grown and matured so much in the two years since then, and while not every aspect of school is easy, we have been able to enjoy a much more relaxed start this time around.
Beginning about six months after our accident it became a goal of mine to write a book to share the amazing story that our family had just gone through. Many of you suggested this to me, in your comments on this page and otherwise, and I felt a calling in my heart. I had never held a deep seated desire to write the great American novel, or really to write anything more than journals or items for my work. It was not something that I even knew if I could do to begin with, and I considered it pretty likely that I would fail! But something wouldn't let me let go of the idea that it was what I was MEANT to be doing.
So two years ago shortly after Brian was able to return to school for the first time, I started to write our story. As much progress as he had made by then, I thought I was ready, or at least gave it a try. Maybe three attempts into writing and I had to stop. It was like reliving the worst nightmare of a parent’s life, and it threw me into an emotional downward spiral. Combined with a tough period in Brian’s emotional recovery, it was all just too much. I quit. Though I sometimes told people I was “going” to write a book, I didn’t touch the project again for months.
In January of that next year I was able to spend some time with a friend who is a professor of English and she gave me some advice on how to construct a plan for the book. Speaking with her energized me and I developed a chapter arc and wrote summaries of various chapters that I thought I wanted to write. Wow - maybe I could do this! But when I would open the document holding these chapter ideas, all I did was stare at the screen. I felt the familiar sense of procrastination settle over me. I got advice from my therapist on how to overcome the power of avoiding, and how to just go ahead and write a little something each day….and did the opposite of that advice. I quit for the second time. I mean, who did I think I was? I can’t write a book. Even if I did, no one would want to read it. The little voices in my head won out...for a while.
Fast forward to August. Another school year began, this time we had an expectation that both boys were going to be able to handle the year, and in fact, they both had much better experiences with teachers and in their respective environments almost right away. I was also ready to begin new challenges in my own life, and put a lot of work into myself. I began to devote time each day to meditation and quiet. I worked on my lifestyle and eating choices, and eventually shed almost twenty-five pounds. I took on a regular volunteer position teaching English as a Second Language to refugees with a local organization. And suddenly….I couldn’t stop writing.
Even with all the extra activities I found myself doing, I spent time almost every day writing. The words flowed out of me. Entire chapters I hadn’t even considered were suddenly clear in my mind, and I just sat down at the computer and out the words came. I did eventually have to re-live some of the worst moments of my life, but my emotional and spiritual health had become so strengthened, that I was able to endure it. The tears I cried as I wrote were cathartic. After nearly two years of our new reality, I was finally ready to share this story with others, and by doing so, it helped me appreciate the beauty of it all the more. From detailing the first hours following the accident, to interpreting what lessons I had found, I know that God was leading me to express myself for the benefit of others. Yes, it was a way to chronicle for us (and especially for the boys to read later in life) the events that occurred as I remember them. But it was more than that.
That feeling I had to begin with, that calling...it was not my plan that I do this, it was God’s. My gratitude to him for all he has done for our family can never be repaid by my attempts. But I do feel it was the best way I could at least try to honor what incredible gifts he gave,and continues to give, us to make the book a reality.
Fast forward to January again, and this time, David and I were meeting with a publisher here in Atlanta, and making the decision to move forward with publishing an actual book. The editing and design process continued all spring, and into the summer. Finally in mid-June, I held in my hand an actual copy of my first book, Prayers from Fiji: A Story of Courage, Faith and Brotherly Love. It felt like a dream! Was this really happening? The long journey of telling this story had reached a turning point, and I felt so many emotions: gratitude for having been given the inspiration to write, pride in the format and flow of the book, and amazement that this terrible circumstance in our lives could have turned out instead to be such an amazing miracle that we could share with others. How fortunate could I be?
So now the next step in this journey awaits...I do not know how many people will ultimately want to read this book, or if it will be a success in the publishing world. And I am OK with that. What I was led to do, I did. What I felt compelled to write, I wrote. I offer it to the world now but I cannot do more than believe that whatever is meant to happen with it will happen. If I can say I have learned anything from this entire experience it is that God often has much bigger plans for us than we can plan for ourselves. So I leave the details to him, and say with certainty, all is well.
I also want to continue to write, and have decided to use a different platform to do so. You are invited to continue to follow our story by following our blog on www.EllenMurkison.com. Thank you all for your amazing support, love and faith through this entire experience. Our family is intact, growing, healing and strengthening every day, thanks to you.
Prayers from Fiji is available on our website, www.PrayersfromFiji.com, on Amazon.com and Shop.BookLogix.com. |
| photo by Lori Grice |
